winter chasm
(newe deer)
today is december 22 2025 it is 10 50 pm
political entry
i am political there are things that precede me
but i'm not too bothered by it any more, and i'm not saying that anyone other than me should resign their thoughts [unless you can't do anything about anything, then please resign your thoughts immediately] but the things outside of me are getting worse cool now how does this effect the solipsistic center regardless of everything there will be new things that i create in exchange for energy and when i can't get energy anymore that's when i'll think about dying. the word will be... and line in with the self, staring a sexual refutal dead in the eyes as i type this, but the word isn't this anyhow. should the word be political, so be it, but the resonance betwixt the now and a day from now staggers beneathly, and the death incurs an excemblance before naught. should the line be drawn, a line will have already been drawn, and you'll feel like me staring a sexual refutal dead in the eyes. is it okay to be doubling margins on a web site? is it worth the political division? well yes, there really isn't a division, but they think there is and so theyve willed a division beneath us. really, i believe in the same god as them too... just not the texts: because the texts are flawed and if it wishes to make its plan known it can tell me directly, thanks, and i won't use my words to express it, but the question is, where does real divine intervention begin where schizophrenic symptoms end? well, i'll leave contact for another day. it's not like anyone has any reason to take my word for it, after all, belief systems and the complacency caused by belief systems is the incredulity of the one above, because my slight interpretation different from the rest of the kits in my clergy is the correct one, and my clergy compared to th'other churches are also the correct one, and king james was sent down by god to sponsor human translation of that word, the human translation which is spoke through the word of god, yet so fundamentally incapable of describing god, yet somehow still adequate to describe the events that led those people way back when to believe in god, and also that christ is a relative of the dude? hmm... and the fallibility of word... because the fallibility of word itself disproves the infallibility of the word? but really if we're speaking in god terms then he could have just pulled the wires between our reason to somehow make that whole fucking debacle make sense... point i'm trying to make here is that you're not really a christian if you don't know hebrew
im amy case politicism is absurd and also simultaneously affects you and doesn't affect you and it's more fun to have when you act like it doesn't but everyone hates you regardless. and the way i see it that's not a bad thing at all, that's just a whole load of people who've already made up their minds with regard to you, and the work you put out, and so you don't have to appease them. why clarify? the ones who want to understand want to understand! like you've got a circle of peeps whove successfully won over their universally-inscribed human-typal prejudice, "excaped the m atrix" so to speak, and you want to focus on the whims of the peeps who see the work and don't even make an attempt to understand it? this fucking guy, right, i don't want to put a name to a name, and i don't want to put a face to a face, but i'll just call our characters here mary and cyanosis and geoff. cyanosis is a girl imbued in a crowd, the saccharist profile picture and typing mannerisms, the most easily "ragebaited", holds the opinions of others in relation to her own art opinions too damn close to her heart, holds her own art opinions too damn close to everyone 's faces cuz that's how you make it in artconsumptiontwt... you know the type, you've seen it before... a hivemind represented by cya surrounding a particular work annoys the fuck out of one mary ... mary is a social climber in the internet space, believes her losses are losses but presents them as wins, that kind of thing.. big shitshow ensues mary stalks cya cya stalks mary there's a work out there that doesn't exist now and has no visible reference that served to call out cya on behalf of mary which i found ridiculously funny and started my observation because holy shit do you not get this kind of opportunity to interrogate your own philosophy as to how you should be treating people with the help of two walking examples of people i do not want to end up as .. cya the poisonous & poisoned.. mary the venomous & ...poisoned? really theyre both heavy-neg examples of art-nihilism [dont wanna come up with a better word i just think nihilism is cringe as fuck so it suits as an analogy] just one heavy passive and one heavy active that sort of thing.. so i go hands on in the observation i talk to the people i think they respect me or don't, mary's crowd is more isolating than it is social, really, it lives and dies on sharing pure unadulterated signs to one another rather than communication of real original thought, so even though i think they call themselves online friends i don't think they're really friends at all, because they never speak to each other except when geoff is throwing his little stupid fucking pity party about random signs he picked up from scrolling incel wikis about how every possible starting condition in this guy's life went wrong, place of birth - looks - social skills - bmi - negative canthal tilt - genetics - personality - yes the actual kind of fucking guy to believe genetics in large part affect personality holy fucking shit if only that was true i could be fucking normal... i think this guy fits right in with this crowd. all based upon signs, never given anything to anyone from the inside. the thing is that all of the above can all be fixed by further introspection, enough that you finally come to the conclusion that maybe if i stop surrounding myself with these ideals that i'm a subhuman, i'll soon forget that i used to think i'm a subhuman... but really it's all just hopeless if the dude can't live without a crowd.it's all hopeless if they all can't live without a crowd. but maybe i'm just saying all this from a particularly unique point of disconnection that all of these people who aren't me don't have the privilege of. i'm in a state of `whatever happens happens i guess` right now, and i don't really know how to close this off, but there are still more things i feel as if i need to say, but i don't think anybody really cares enough to read past the words themselves and through the extra layers of brain fog... if you do, may you message me about it? thank you, i appreciate it, and please don't imbue yourself in a crowd, because the crowd's identity will become your identity, and no matter how much you may want that to happen, you can't let it, your creativity and ability to draw from your aorta and lungs and ribcage and heart will suffer, as much as your ability to draw from the palm of your hand and your fingers may blossom. or that executive ability may also suffer too... it's not unique... "everything is fake so you just need to move in your path or way okay?"
its almost 1200, december 23, it's 11:57 as i write,
presented are words from another time
(the joy of will) mylo kerra lp1 lookalike in structure in which each track is an album unto itself, but a companion to mortar grandeur, where the cover instead of being subdivided into a window is subdivided into a square 4-piece cyclical puzzle also serves as antithesis to mortar grandeur, for when i go insane and back out on the philosophy 3:30 AM in observing a new concept strangeness strange is everywhere strange is everything strange is volatility and complexity in relation to the being 5:03 AM you two fire gnostic quandary 5:14 AM relieved me now three times in a row from like 2 am to 5 fucking furries man 5:23 AM interested in the ideal of fursona as shell the same mode as body most pick the mode that resonates with what they percieve as their inner spirit, but some pick the most appealing ostensive saccharism O.S. interested in the ideal of fursona as shell insofar as the thought line regarding (NL)-slash-(KW) will lead me 5:31 AM but that requires we to read up on that debacle, which i don't care enough to do because every source i'll try to get information from will be heavily biased against the Tranny - drama vultures are like that - which is unfortunate because that event in time and space was very much so an interrogable teaching moment, the effects of Incompatible Ingrained Crowds A/B fusing together into a person and a defiance to leaving the public eye i guess it is good, after all, that i don't know whether the girl was in the wrong / right of any of this which allows me to put more emphasis of my interrogation on external extenuating factors it is the crowd. the crowd stands out from the enveloping crowd, but the crowd stands out on the same way-slash-pattern every which way they come around 5:40 AM (NL) was fully ingrained into one crowd, parasitically (the crowd being the parasite) and when she found a new welcoming crowdparasite she doubled over fundamentally incompatible allegiances, parasites, which i can only infer led to a public meltdown the size of an entire career melt down as in the situation not the individual and the thing that gets me is that the inciting factor didn't need to be public whatsoever neither crowd should have known the cyclical subcrowd should only dawg the cyclical subcrowd should only the cyclical subcrowd is the only non parasitic crowd [unless you let it get to you,but at that point it's just a good'ld O.S.H.H.] the endo remains so much greater than the exo especially if your cyclical subcrowd is a good number, two through fifteen is perfect, maybe more if you can be 100% sure everyone is on the same wavelength, but everyone just can't, so there's work to be done to know who you want to cycle round best is a crowd of two 5:49 AM by that point you have gone through the motions of taking one out of their exo-hiding-place for a moment and into an endo-hiding-place, and that process is tedious, but once it's done and maintained consistently like watering the plant, the benefits of "friend" may be reaped evergreen fuck identities are stripped in cyclical subcrowds too... to a lesser degree though, like you wouldn't look at me and go "yep~! that is an apple cord member if i"ve ever heard one speak" but i start making my allegiances to a parasite crowd known everyone knows i belong and answer to, say, the bronies, the furries, league of legends after all to be in the fandom, in the scene requires a hazing ritual of profile decorations and typing mannerisms and shared connections of ubiquitous girls the,,,, the,,,, the classic,,,, stammer,,,, and quadruple comma,,,, and cute emoticon >w< 5:56 AM that isn't yours until you've independently figured out without the help of a crowd that that is you, that is how you are comfortable starting off i mean fuck i do it too sometimes in certain crowds, situations punctuation gets dropped and The beginning of a message gets capitalized it's chameleonic make new words, new mannerisms, talk amongst yourself like i do now for fucks sake i write this at abt 6 am on christ-o-morrow (twelve.twentysix) and you'll probably see this way later down the line, i've already decided someone other than me is gonna see this shit but the source of these writings isnt the neocities editor like it normally is, it's just the groupchat that lets me speak to me the everflowing temporal conversation signaling allegiances like so i started off is like my using sound canvas va except way more consequential 6:04 AM sometimes you need a damn preset to get the fucking sound down when you feel too down and out to do the sound design yourself designating yourself as the type of guy who cares that much about what CARI has to say, to demarcate eras of design, is a preset, and many of them use presets, and i do too, we call it the code switch.. the crowd controls you, you do not control it scenecore furry sparkledog fuck, like, the idea is there, and i'd love to prop it up as my shell should i catch the opportunity, but i care too much about sound design to touch a preset for this particular use case 6:11 AM it wouldn't fit me anyhow, i've outgrown it, though i'm not sure what i haven't outgrown finding sparkledogs cool, i've outgrown the swaths of allegiance, and it's more than disingenuous if i only, like, find decora and kandi and frutiger aero and the archetypal PLURfur kinda cool me and that white crazy eyed ibex though are closer than you can even fucking imagine i pulled that shit out my ass and it stays so it stays lyra we're debating what shells the others inhabit still we know someone gets sweet brown sheep i don't know what I've learned here maybe nothing at all 6:19 AM fuck all of this, they just like the shit outside of them, can't bring myself to believe this line of thought isn't totally fucking idiotic it comes down to me, and what i want out of people, and i can't adequately connect with those with crowd allegiance, the things outside of them, and always want to hear more about the world that resides within as opposed to t he world that resides without that's why i care so fucking much, because i can't stand sign based communication, even though i pull it all the fucking time, but they forgive me because they know i'm alive and they're also fucking alive!!! i wish i could come up with counterpoints sooner i'm just not ready to be associated at all they talk in signs and they only talk about signs 6:27 AM once upon a time i had a friend who only spoke in signs and i was infatuated with the friend despite the fact that we were both everything the other doesn't fucking stand for and one time in a conversation or group game or whatever the friend inexplicably started drawing connections from their aorta and inner organs to themology from their own work that i would never know it was the galvanism monologue from the end of nervous young inhumans 2011 it was a recital of the galvanism monologue from the end of nervous young inhumans 2011 everyone was talking over each other i couldnt hear it i don't think we're friends anymore i'm deeply engaged with the mythologies of everyone i know this friend had none "i really really like this thing!!" - "oh cool, when are you gonna get your own personality? dipshit, fuck you" 6:35 AM so long as i can keep dragging constructs out of my spirit i can keep pretending like loneliness isn't crushing the fuck out of me but it's working, really, i haven't thought about my condition that hard in months i'm aggressively okay with it aggressive state of it is what it is trapped
today is december 18 2025 it is 10 08 pm and im up here now cusz i want to be
cant wait for the casket failure to happen again it wasnt blood if i keep likening the event to a casket failure but embalming fluid or whatever the fuck actually happens in a casket failure i just know the liquid i both dipped my toes in and drowned in was red and disgusting and unsanitary but it was dripping down the walls from the ceiling and i describe it as a casket failure because it really did feel as if the upstairs got replaced with a mass grave of invariable somethings, i think if it happened again today it would be less lost objects in the upstairs and lost friends and moreso the building up; of lost time... but the lost time is a cause of the other its just ive been losing time a lot to the losses im taking a sequence of losses in a general direction in our own general discretion to make the win feel bigger in the end and if you cant help but lose then that losing is a prolonging of the win and if you win too much then the loss becomes novel and so if you cant help but win on an effortless basis losing becomes desirable and to lose is to win but im not actually doing anything if i take this route, the real winm is not one that i am apparently willing to lose at even though my losses are all here on the table and youve maybemaybenot heard of some of them but the basis is things get weird in the field because the distinction betwixt a win and a loss is horrifically muddied in the field so what manifests as a loss to you manifests as a win to a listener and what manifests as a win to you manifests as a loss these are the major distinctions in the between march and really its honestly fun to reach a fixed win point as opposed to having to decide yourself where that win point is or if the win point uou ceek is even attainable in the project file you made this hour really this is the distinction between the social climbing art and the true art because the true art knows to itself it's lost before it reaches your ears and to the social climber's work is the same, but the social climber pretends that what they think is a loss is a win and hopes that by charisma you will also think the same, and it plasticizes to some degree the thing's too cycular to copmrehend every word out of your mouth is to maintain presence and the conversation i have with your work is desperate, i'm sorry, the word was
Today is December 16, 2025. It's 8:19 PM
the work executive disfunctiom lineum quarter bopfvqflmnp flp flp the systrym at hand resemble gargle and now the lycstem ob truth
name is lyra sacra thia is my press release i do not believe words can offer much in the way of reflecting the self, too often do i see a pletheora of the art in which [the author is afraid to die] and [clings on for dear life] to the word because it is a reflection of the self but this does not append to it any level of seq seq-u-le-ri-tie or sac-red-ness to it but what i speak of when i type the word secularity is the ideal that the same effect of the endlessly divulging confessional can [, and has been, and will] be replicated 1:1 by crafting an intricate and hopelessly dense series of symbols and signs that point to nowhere outside of the series, and in this is the art i value most, the author is not your friend and you are enacting weekend at [artist's name]'s
ccracking furries mid-diaretical to hit the I.Quota.A. 8:52
ths work will be secular but if i want to talk to you about the work i can do so from the comfort of my fjfjfjfjhgdgkdgllglkjajksajajaksdlgpwppqppq;;;;pawnter's chasm 8:35 the worpk has already laid down it's coarse: have i told you about mandrashee and its incredibly sardonic 37.5 hour wankoff yet, that one isn't getting good at all i reckon: when i look at your art i do not feel confronted, nor do i feel comforted; the conversation you strike with me through your art is one that consists nothing but desperation; the ideal that if you become like your contemporaries 121 you will become half as great as them, so i rekkon: binc pullfvawils is vmuch go anf era1 if i ever want to go back to era1 im leaving the option there for now but the option is there and i don't entirely will on leaving it there and be glad, because it really is up to me,
for all you fledgling semioticians here are some beginner symbular prompts that can help start up ur career: ℧ ℘ ⅏ ❋ ✧ ⛭ ⚇ ♫ hope this gets u a pHD
today is december 23 2025 re-learning supercollider because i forgot again 2:18 pm and i hope i dont forget again, taking a more through opproach
the today's thought is that maybe i just havent gone insane yet
today is december 18 2025 it is 12:28 am
no bincsession today just towww actually but further investigations into mortargrandeur 1 have been arranged so i believe that is a kind day, but of cour: investigations & interrogations alike are not sessions so mortargrandeur isnt really anywhere close to fruition :p i got to 9 twice today and 7 a whole other load of times and 6 a whole other load of times too
in reality i believe im doing all this just for establishment of symbols, that the more pure raw unfiltered text i put out there the more patterns will start to show up, and inevitably, as is the case with every subconscious idilect, b ut i really trulie do not see the numbers yet and the habits just evade me yet so logging of the concrete is something set now and in art the word is devolve
in the beginning the word was
in the beginning was the word
but the dates ar just so damn hopless all the fucking time, and the win pdly kdfkja [pqmsnawi ust olmcneap oekknkleakmdg pjilenso p gohpisocme kismtnet ijrjnjeno ladpopgqne n qixxawjgghajen alkoemtnetal pqaiueuenetle tmnenasocol olectiom oereactural mnernutarl msnarl pantomime q anchorage resilience the concrete is set the reckon art sequelartiy reflecting chasm ste files text editor stylesheet margin left rotate 1 deg opacity 0.9 border style groove gogprmyfymymfp mkwkmnuiufjkl;lpqpm,mad,gn ioiwj ajknwgopo paowr i nawkrnm anwrmgnskafgjizxpgmlaekn alkswen lkanewi hansd,gcxozigj o that represents thr phonetics of the win paw cal i quota a the beginning was the word binc pull go wactno i made 2 albums queued after pullvakcqs actually and theyre done and theyre literally just waiting on pullvakcqs because i guess i view pull as higher effort than those, even though one of them is my favorite thing, and the other of them is, well, its just me doing betweenmarch again
fucking wank the work does not matter as the wall on your wall says it is thanks nc
may sanction saction twelve fifty one am